


He's Gone

by camichats



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Ficlet, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 08:44:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11009949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: For the prompt: "Don't you dare, don't even think about it!"





	He's Gone

**Author's Note:**

> I... got an angst prompt and actually wrote angst. I think I'm in shock.

"Don't you dare, don't even think about it!"

Sirius didn’t look at James. He didn’t look at the bottle in his hands that he never should have bought. He knew that James wasn’t angry, not really. It registered, distantly, that he was shaking. “Why shouldn’t I.” His voice was dull, lifeless _like Reg_ he thought.

“Because you’ll regret it.” James was forcing his calm, and somehow it helped bring Sirius back to himself.

Sirius had thought maybe he was done crying, but tears started streaming down his face again as he met James’s eyes. “So? It’ll just be another in the list that’s already as long as the Death Eaters’ kill count, so _why shouldn’t I?_ ”

“I know you don’t want to do this.”

“Of course I don’t want to bloody do this! I want my brother back, and I don’t want him to be a buggering Death Eater that murders people!” he shouted, but he thrust the bottle towards James, who immediately hid it from sight.

Slowly, James reached out a hand, palm up in offering.

Sirius stared at it, not truly seeing it through blurry eyes and the knowledge that he _couldn’t fucking breathe_. The next thing he knew, he was sobbing against James’s chest while holding onto him desperately. “He- he should’ve been- he’s the _safe_ one- he-”

James held him and didn’t say any worthless platitudes, and Sirius thought that maybe that was why he loved James so much. He never lied to Sirius; he never said it would be okay when it wouldn’t.

Eventually-- and gods did it feel like ages-- Sirius stopped crying. He could breathe, but it still felt tight around the edges. “Why’re we in the entryway,” he mumbled, face still firmly planted against James’s body (and where he planned on staying for the next week or so).

“Because you got home and I just knew I had to ravish you,” James joked, his voice light.

Sirius laughed, and it was definitely wet but neither of them drew attention to it. His head ached from crying, and he was so so tired. “Take me to bed?”

James kissed the top of his head. “Of course.” He helped Sirius out of his shoes and made him drink a glass of water. Sirius protested having to change, but gave in when James reminded him how miserable he was the last time he slept in trousers.

There was a heavy calm to their room that made Sirius ask quietly, “He’s really gone isn’t he?”

“Yeah, Si.”

He sniffled, but thankfully didn’t cry. “I haven’t talked to him in over a year.”

James kissed his trembling fingers. “He came to our wedding remember?”

“And that was the last time I saw him.”

“Yes. But he was there. He said congratulations and smiled. It’s a better last memory than fighting with him, isn’t it?” James said like he wasn’t expecting Sirius to reply, and he added it to the list of reasons why he loves him.

Sirius let out a shaky breath and snuggled up to him, wanting to be warm when he felt so numb.

**Author's Note:**

> I take prompts on tumblr [@siriuslystarbucks](http://siriuslystarbucks.tumblr.com/) or here in the comments ^-^


End file.
